Becky Does Her Hair ~ Week 5

[becky]

And of course, when i remember to vote, nick fucking quits.

[becky]

(the gif pictured is relevant somehow idk you tie it in)

[becky]

ANYWAY, like, yeah, I think I definitely salvaged this week to be something good for me. This week has been pretty much a disaster for Nae -- she has Arlie, Libra, James, and Howard coming after her now for various reasons. Howard and Arlie are buddy buddy, and Howard is suspicious that Naeha had an alliance with Nick -- which is why Nick dropped out for her. They are 100% right, and I'm not really going to try to dissuade the rumor. It's important though that MY name doesn't get brought up Howard apparently tried to interrogate naeha about any other alliances she had, and she THANKFULLY did not budge, which is great for me.

Now, Nick is gone, and shit is pretty set up to be a howard/arlie/james/libra vs naeha week, lol. And honestly, Nae is fucked -- like, it will be a miracle if she makes jury. But I'd like the conflict to kind of prolong itself for as long as possible. Meaning, I'm rooting for Nae to win HoH and I'm rooting for those four to NOT win HoH. The best case scenario this week is one of James/Libra winning because they are both incredibly suspect. I don't trust them.

I'm pretty intent on NOT winning HoH this week. One, because I don't really have enough time to do endurance. Two, because this is NOT a good round where I should be or even need to show my hand. I'm in a pretty delicate middle ground between Naeha and James/Arlie, and pushing myself into a position of power may end up forcing me to pick a side. And it's far far too early for that.

[becky]

This is looking to be another MEH week for becky

Steve and Cass won, which I initially thought was great. Steve would never in a million years nominate me, and Cass had big fish to fry in Howard so that I wouldn't be a target. That's what I thought anyway, and it made the most sense.

But then Steve and Cass got talking, and then Steve got talking to me. BASICALLY, they agreed upon targeting Kelsey and Shelli. Steve was intent on targeting Kelsey, because he believes that Kels is throwing competitions and he doesn't connect with her much. Which is fine....but like...he knows I'm close with Kelsey.

So, the way Steve's Angels is set up right now, we all have our own little side alliances. Steve/Becky/Liz have their alliance with Howard and Arlie which, if you recall, Steve excluded me from. This alliance was created AFTER I told the group that I had an alliance with Nick, Kels, and Nae. You might recall from my previous confessionals that I felt that Steve excluded me from that alliance because he was upset I was added into the Crazy Ladies.

Last week, Steve was also pretty intent on sending Naeha out the door. Which I HONESTLY THINK WAS REALLY FUCKING RUDE because Nick asked to quit, but I understand that he wanted to make a game move. But I feel like he, once again, was kind of reacting to my side alliance and trying to take a shot at the Crazy Ladies alliance.

And here this week, Steve is intent on targeting Kels and once again taking a shot at my side alliance.

Am I wrong to think that maybe -- just maybe -- Steve is super nervous that I have a side alliance and he wants me all to himself?

I'm probably being super conceited, and honestly I might end up hurting Steve's feelings when he goes back and reads these confessionals. But I do think right now that Steve doesn't want me to have any alliances other than the Angels, so he's going to keep on taking shots at the Crazy Ladies until I'm the last one standing. I honestly believe that Steve trusts me a lot and that he really does want to go to the end with me like he says. But I think he's uncomfortable with me having options other than him.

Now, normally, I would like fucking call him out and tell him that I want Kels to stay in this game. BUTTTTT I can't really do that because Cass was apparently going to put me up as a pawn. Cass wants to target Shelli and I was almost put up next to her as a pawn, which would have honestly been a disaster. Cass asked me to go up as a pawn and I honestly freaked out at her. 50% of it was exaggeration but 50% of it was real. I told her I would not be comfortable and that I was afraid I'd go home. Then, apparently the plan changed and they're going to put up kels and shelli next to each other, and then Steve is going to nominate two strong players so that they'll win BOTB.

So why can't I call him out for targeting Kels? Because, honestly, he's really going to bat for me. He helped me get off the block as a pawn, and he's setting up the noms so that kels and shelli are on the block together. Meaning there's a minuscule chance that they'll win the BOTB and both be safe. But as it is, he's going to nominate two players that are good at comps, which will put a target on his back.

This is the last week of BOTB, and I'd like to avoid the block if possible. Making it to jury without getting nominated will be sweet, but now is the point where I have to put the 200% effort in all comps so I have some wins under my belt. I'd love to win the first solo HoH of the season, and I think I'm gonna go extra hard for it.

Also lol @ Naeha's fight with James and Libra in the group chat. I'm sure you'll get a detailed description from their confessionals, but they got in the first drama fest of the season <3 can't wait for the rest of the season lmao, I feel like the game is finally starting

[becky]

I actually feel bad rereading all that now. Steve and I had a good talk today and he has made it pretty clear that he trusts me 100% and I am his #1. Like seriously, I think he would do anything except fall on his own sword for me. I don't deserve him :/

I don't think he's going after the crazy ladies. I think he just had to concede Kels as a target this round to keep me safe, which I ultimately really appreciate.

[becky]

OK so this week now is not that bad. With Steve as HoH, I know there is no chance I am going up ont he block, even if veto is used. And Kathy and Libra are two nominees that I really have no problem with leaving either way.

With, regards to Kathy, she is a comp threat and I think out of the ~outsiders~ (kathy/cass/james/libra -- aka people who I don't fully know their affiliation but I suspect are somewhat aligned together), she is probably the most game savvy? Granted, Cass proved her game savvy as well, but she's definitely not the smartest strategical mind. Asking me to go up on the block -_-...lmao.

Getting Libra out would honestly just be so satisfying, because I really just do not like her. She has a type of personality that I disdain in this community. Basically, people who act like they're high and mighty when they talk about themselves, yet when you actually interact with them they're boring as shit. Libra talks up about how much of a straight shooter she is and how she's gonna like take fucking adderall to win competitions, but she can't hold a normal conversation to save her life. She seems like the type where all she can talk about is sex, and how much other people suck. That ain't my M.O girl, so getting her out would just feel like a bit of a personal victory here.

However, I know that getting her out doesn't really make that much sense on a game level. She is honestly useless in comps and socially, so she will be an easy target later on down the road. This may be the only time we get to take out kathy for awhile, and it would severely weaken the outsiders.

I think I have to make a decision for the next couple days -- do I just float and go with majority? Or do I try to push an agenda one way or the other? I guess I still need to decide which one of Kathy and Libra I really want out of the house before I can do that :x

[becky]

All BB games do is make me realize I suck at challenges lmao

[becky]

um are you serious steve LMFAO

[becky]

Naeha Sareen
is it bad that i'm
like
genuinely hurt and upset
about steve
he told me literally last night
that he hoped i didn't think he was considering putting me up
and then literally put me up
tonight
3 mins ago
Becky Burgess
I'd be upset too
hell I am upset

Naeha Sareen
if he wanted to be a troll
and like
have at it with everyone
then i'd get it
that's what i expected with this hoh when he started talking abut
it
about it
i wasn't nervous because i thought he'd put me up with intention i was nervous that i'd be a victim of a random draw
so like
why convince me that i didn't have to worry
i'm just frustrated because i feel like
i've randomly gained this reputation
2 mins ago
Naeha Sareen
and i have people telling me i have people in my corner and that i need to be taken care of and it's like
i have two people with me right now
one has been put up on the block on more than one occasion
our alliance has basically
touched the block at least once a week
in some way or another
and i feel like me even TALKING to anyone
1 min ago
Naeha Sareen
and just genuinely showing any interest in how someone's fucking day is or something or maybe people
wanting to keep that around over someone
that can't say more than two fucking words in a converation
is translating to me just working with everyone
which is fucking stupid
and when i'm being accused
of breaking my word
because of people like libra and JAMES of all people
james who apparently avoided TALKING to anyone for three weeks
just now
Naeha Sareen
and then someone goes around and does something like
ten times shadier imo
because steve and i get along enough on a personal level
where
when he tells me
hey naeha
don't worry
you're fine
i am bound to believe him
on what PLANET

[becky]

literally the longest rant ever, she's still ranting as I type this too

[becky]

This week has really been all about Steve, at least from the perspective of my DRs. I think he totally botched this HoH week, and has really put me in a kind of shitty position. Thankfully, I have plan a's and plan b's and plan c's, but....

My plan a was the Angels, and I think with the Naeha nom Steve actually completely destroyed it. It's not because he nommed Naeha. On the contrary, if he had just nommed Naeha and told us all about it it would've been okay. Would I have been upset still? Probably. Would I have bitched about how he was taking shots at my side alliance? Again, probably. But Shelli and Liz probably would've been okay with it, and if the three of them were okay with well...I would be okay with it. Because my #1 loyalty was and possibly still is the Angels.

But like, he didn't do any of that. He blindsided all three of us. Liz and I both heard about Naeha going up from NAEHA, not Steve. And thats like a HUGEEE problem, because Steve is supposed to be like my #1 you know? He's not supposed to blindside me with little things like that. And honestly I've been wondering what really goes on in Steves head. My theories are

1) He is more interested in being ~entertaining~ which is why he does wacky thing like claim he randomized his replacement nomination.
2) He has an alliance with james and didn't want to put him up. Also, howie and arlie pressured him to put up nae, and he thought that the Angels would have his back.

I'm guessing it's a combination of both?

And the thing is we WOULD'VE HAD HIS BACK IF HE JUST TOLD US!!!!

Whatever

whateverwhteverwahtever

I'm acting like it's still all cool with Steve. Liz and Shelli are both really sketched out by him now, and Liz even claimed that tonight was the end of Steves Angels. I still think the alliance can be salvaged and ultimately -- it's in my best interest that I salvage it best I can. That might mean establishing an alliance of me/liz/shelli and kind of pushing Steve on the outs. Which is sad, but again -- might be in my best interest if Steve is going to make some crazy alliances.

Earlier today, Cass and Liz both talked to me about an alliance :xxxxx it was me/cass/liz/kathy...see the problem there? Thats two of the people I wanted to put up lmao. But this might be a good thing. If the Angels REALLY fall apart, then having another four person alliance just to have my back would be great.

Basically, steve's decision really put my game in flux. But you know, everyone in this house likes me a lot I think (except libra and james :x), and I think I've been appearing trustworthy enough that everyone kinda wants me in their plans. So even if the angels fall apart, I should have enough connections to keep me going for awhile.

[becky]

I think even if I salvage the Angels, it will never be as strong as it once was. The beautiful thing about the Angels (prior to tonight) was

1) It was a day 1 alliance. We created it solely based on how much we all liked each other, and the trust grew from there
2) None of us EVER talked shit about each other to each other (at least from my perspective). I never once breathed anything shady about the three of them, and none of them ever said anything shady to me.

But now, we've all talked shit about Steve. And something that was so AIR TIGHT -- so cohesive -- is now kind of tainted I guess? I dunno. It sucks because that alliance was just so much security. It might literally be the most I've ever felt secure in an alliance. I actually considered taking that alliance to F4, as much as a pipe dream that was.

But now...I dunno. I gotta adjust.